lorigore

and  i realize that i really really reallly do miss you.. but i dont regret anything that happened :\

So its been a good 7 weeks since ive posted. is that good?lol well uhh i got a new computer of my own :), i havent talked to my sister in a month nor have i barley seen her, a big burden recently was removed from my life, and now im just here like a floating duck waiting for school to end. i dont care about regents or testing or blah blah blah because im gonna die soon anyway lol. any way yeah not that much to update on except i get to see becky in july! thank the lord!!!! god im so fucking happy. <3 i love her so much <333

 soooooo tonight im throwing my sister a suprise party!
i hope it goes okay. otherwise ill be failure of the year fer sure =\




other wise im really happy.. i guess haha lol uhh yeah  i want breakfast

bowling = fun.
you=not

and to be perfectly honest.

it kills me so much that im like... barley top 7 for everyone.


i wish i was someones number one.
someone they think of first.for everything.

when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know your alive.













happy belated one month. i love you

 

just watched my wildest dreams come true
not one of them invloving you

just watched his wildest dreams come true
not one of them involving you

so. i  asked you why you stopped talking to me today. your responce :idk. i stopped tlaking to everyone.


thats just sad. 










hah go get high.your like dead to me

its kindof scary... being this inlove with someone.Theres been only one other person ive really been this in love with. but as of since july or august after like 5 years i was over it.And now im alittle scared ot be that inlove again.I mean i love the idea of being in love especailly with this person.. but im terrified of putting all of me into it. right now 100% of me is in it, but im just scared that god will hate me and ruin somehitng or make somthin go wrong, and i dont want that to happen.I mean im not going to fuck things up because i wouldnt have fallen in love with them if i thought somehitng would happen. I like... wanna spend the rest of my life with them but idk. Theres just always this thought in the back of my mind and there sholdnt be because we constantly tell eachother we love eachother =]. i loveeee you soooo much if your reading this =].


but yeah idk i just i need to get off my chest how in love i am with them, but its SOOO hard to be put into words.but ilove them more then life itself, even if they ARE mean and DO yel at me =[ jkkkk <3333 =]



<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

@#$%^&*() 

so ive come to this conclusion, that no matter what happenes and no matter what promisises we make our friend ship will NEVER last.never.but its not  like you even care any more =\. I dont get why we just cant talk things out, you know im that type of person car, ask anyone.But like i said i tihnk you dont make the errfort..because you dont care. as long as you have that one other p- no TWO other people in your life your fine.soooo ive come to the conclusion that i dont care about you anymore.You cant stand to see me because i hurt and confuse you.. WHY????HOW????? because you NEVER told me ANYTHING.well thats just blaintleny stupid. its not my fault you dont like me, and the fact we havent tlkaed in lkeee 2 weeks. ummhhhhhhhh deffinitley your fault becase i tihnk just yesterday i tried having a REAL conversation with you and you didnt respond.you stoped caring awhile ago? good.ill stop caring now.

when i needed you most, when i needed a friend . you let me down now, like i let you down then.










ftr i re took my regents today FOR THE 3RD TIME. lets see if i acually pass 

I LOVE BECKY BARBOSAAAAA <3 

your.just.playing.a.game

wow so this morning and last night were absolutley perfect.

last night me jynelle danny and all of dannys friendsa went into this like abandoned(*) movie theatre with ghosts and stuff and blah blahh.. it was really fun i tinhk we might go again tonight.
we got home around 1 am and i just went to bed.
but this morning okay so we all woke up and jynelle made pancakes for me her danni and my mom. and idk the atmosphere was just so happy, somthin im not used ot in this house.i love danny ,he is serisouly amazing im so glad him and jynelle are together. usually i get attached ot her boy friends, in a brother way and they end up being dicks, i dont tihnk he is one thoiugh. but yeahidk i just felt infinte today it was great <3 

so. as i didnt expect.. well sort of did, things got worse then humanly possible.


on top of that i have the flu

i cant eat

i sleep too much

i dont pay attention and im fallin asleep during class








things are getting so bad.. i prayed to god last night that i wouldnt wake up. and hey what do you know im here.

ill just keep praying 

blah blah blah same old shitttttt same old drama just a different day.


i wanna get out of this messsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss so badd ><

you may be my best friend. but i never think ive hated you so much in my life. well mabey i have.

happy thanks giving?

SOOOOO. its october 29th. the lst tie i wrote a journal was 28 days ago =]. lol yeah imma dork.


so in my last blog i said thati was going to new jersey i did, ad it was good, not what i wanted but...good lol.I also said things were gonna change around halloween, and  they might be, im goin through this transitionaing stage..ehh yeah im not gonna get personal lol.

anyway ive been to 2 football games in the past 3 weeks or so, theyre so fun especially with people like tyler and noonan and lina and cherie. there are some assholes there but heyyy loook what school i go to everywhere you turn theres an asshole.


OH soooo at the football game both guys i liked were there and the one i dont know fi i rlly like was talking to me and stuff but the one ive liked for a really long time barley even looked at me.. messed up?heh yeah story of my life :|

nicoles halloween aprty was fun, fucking danced like there was no tommorow, which speaking of i cant go to school tommorow becauser the staff infection is at the school  basiclly right next to mine. great huh? everyonesclike noo im not staying home..THEYRE ALL GONAN EGT IT!



yeah anyway. just felt like updating even though no one reads this.